Summer's Cries
by MsAmiClassified
Summary: When two mysterious cubes appear unexpectedly in a shipment, a certain cast of eight finds themselves stranded in another world and targeted by...something. When some secrets are revealed and even more are created, will they ever return home? Not that things would ever be the same anyway... (Cursing, violence, eventual character death & mentions of alcoholism, needs a better title)
1. A New, Legitimate Prologue

_**EDIT: Yeah, I really couldn't help myself in the end. Now you guys get to actually have a legitimate prologue instead of that random thing with a double-digit word count. Yays!**_

_**(Warning for you new people: expect long author's notes in the chapters ahead. Also I wrote this after I started Chapter 5 (which is actually still in progress as of this writing) and am trying a new method of uploading chapters, so Chapters 1-5 will look a little different.)**_

_**Disclaimer: If I owned Phineas and Ferb, it would be depressing as all hell. But it isn't.**_

* * *

10 identities, all in a room.

Each of them is on the brink of death, but frozen in time so that death may not come for them. If for them time continued to flow, and they did not die immediately afterward, they would all be unconscious, for each was unconscious upon being frozen. Many, also, are heavily saturated with the toxin of despair, such that, if they then returned to the waking world and despair was not removed, it would claim them only a short while afterward.

One was abandoned by a loved one who succumbed to another toxin, a physical rather than mental one, due to the absence of an article often thought not so significant philosophically, that nonetheless is often treated with more value by those who reign over many in the world. That person (the beloved) was forced to leave as the toxin brought harm to his mind, nearly bringing him to harm others.

Another lost a loved one in an accident, brought on by a stranger fearing the absence of the same article, who had come to ignore what else could be equally or even more valuable in the long run.

Another is of a broken residence, also the result of the absence of the same article, turning to an oft-disregarded source for comfort and then learning to fight to keep it. Another has realized the root of these, that is, the article that had become absent, and has intended to ensure it would never be absent again so to prevent further problems.

One has all he could ever reasonably ask, but has observed the suffering of others, and attempts blindly to rectify the suffering he has observed. He is assisted by someone very different from himself, and yet very alike, who, much like the first identity, has lost someone, but to a failure of sentient beings rather than any physical toxin.

Their ideas were carried on to someone else, who also attempts to rectify what suffering he observes, only to find that his ability to do so is limited by his own position, that these are too far out of reach to be managed, causing him suffering himself. He has been observed in his attempts by a colleague; she alone is aware of these things.

One more, Player 9, as she called herself at one point, already _has_ had her own suffering resolved, but, being almost always in the presence of those who have not, has borne witness to what may very well be the final nail to the coffin to the rest.

The last has long struggled against despair, caused by a suffering superimposed on him for as long as he can know, left to cycle between states of being saturated by the emotional toxin and being above it. Finally, he is on the border of succumbing.

They have been long trapped in a hidden panorama of space, others significant to them unable to realize their location. Indeed, "Player 9", along with another, had only entered the scene recently. The rest are unable to physically enter, despite having played such a major role in it the moment they realized its existence. Some realized the absences caused by the events that unfolded in this panorama, and through many clues finally managed to discover it, along with a way to intervene, others were allowed to view it through an outside perspective, and have gone so far as to cross a metaphysical barrier to interfere, and still others had the previous two groups expose it to them directly.

But alas, as the 10 trapped appear ready to end at the hands of despair and death, so it might all be for naught anyway.

_I will not allow that to happen._

I remain the one observer who has played no part yet, beyond some muted warnings and bringing other observers to play theirs, despite the discontent that tragedy brings me. Until now.

_I will ensure this does not end in tragedy._

It's time I finally performed my share.

* * *

**_This will make sense later on, for those of you who don't get it. (Hint: The narrator is not someone you will recognize until the reveal.) So read on, expect me to edit chapters even_ after _uploading them, don't be too discouraged by Schedule Slip, Carpe Diem, and always have hope. Ami is out, PEACE!_**


	2. Perry: Opening a Story

_**Warning (overly-short informative version): This series will contain mature content eventually, as well as shipping and shipping-related gags, however these will be used in relative modesty and will take a while to show up so I don't know what they'll do to the rating. It will also switch POVs without warning.  
**_

_**Warning(overly-long **_**UN**_**informative version): While the following mature themes will be spread out, this story will eventually contain violence and gore, up to and including character death...sorta. It's a complicated story and there will be revival involved. Also expect cursing, alcohol references, disturbing backgrounds, and unwarranted POV changes. The will also be eventual PhinBella and some CanDeremy, maybe also some FerbNessa, in addition to plenty of shipping-related gags (expect them to be targeted at PerryShmirtz...which will likely also receive some unintended valid foe yay ship tease...actually, knowing the workings of the dirty mind, it's pretty much inevitable...See? I'm doing a shipping gag right now. AND it's PerryShmirtz, just like I said *shot*). I will not cram these all down your throat (least not at once), but they will show up at some point and I may have to raise the rating once enough of them show up. I probably will, since, ya know, the source material for this fic is a kids' show? In a more mature-content fandom it'd be a different story, but unfortunately this is not the case.  
**_

_**WELL THAT WAS THE LONGEST WARNING EVER. LEAST THE SECOND ONE WAS. Not to mention about half of it was spent either making obvious statements regarding how the mature content will likely affect the work or on the random PerryShmirtz gag in the middle. That's what happens when you come up with a plot bunny that takes WAAAAAAAY too much inspiration from the lovechild of Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni and HetaOni that has TV Tropes for a babysitter. And HetaOni is most definitely the mom. Which of course makes Higurashi the dad and this metaphor is obviously Metaphorgotten...yep, Trope-tan is definitely the babysitter, because TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life...I need to stop. But yeah, you know all the inspirations for this fic now (and I really didn't need to say the obvious one) and you can see why this thing is gonna be so messed up. And if you're familiar with the former two (the 'parents'), one of the plot points. Also the latter (aka the babysitter) will get a lot of Shout Outs (better known as references) over the course of this fic, like the use of the term 'Foe Yay' during the PerryShmirtz joke which really didn't need to be explained, as well as the lampshading you can see pretty much everywhere in this Author's Note (just a heads-up). And the Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking where I mention unwarranted POV changes (which I will explain in the next paragraph).  
**_

_**And now that that's out of the way, I will just say no, there will not be **_**heavy**_** mature content. It's more you'd use the regular warning for the mature filter on DeviantArt on a noticeable amount of chapters which explains my rating confusion. Especially since this chappie is not one of those. And about the POV switches, the story is in first person, but which character is the narrator is going to change frequently. For now, it's Perry but I guarantee the POV will change sooner or later. I won't tell you who narrates the prologue but you'll figure it out later in the story. Which reminds me, yes, I do enjoy drabbley prologues. The specific format, though, for that one comes from Higurashi. (Told ya, it's the father.)  
**_

_**Finally, no, I do not own P&F. Captain Obvious moment? Yes. Especially since, in case you haven't noticed, this fic is gonna be much darker and more mature, or, as TV Tropes puts it, Darker and Edgier, than the actual series.**_

* * *

You want to play a twisted game? Fine, I'll play if I have to. I'll play all I need to, as much as it takes. I may play for a long time if I must, but I'll play.

* * *

_BEEP BEEP_

_(*chatter*)_

I opened my then-unfocused eyes to see a pillow being thrown across the room from my right that missed the intended target at the head of one of the beds in the bedroom. It instead hit the wall a couple feet behind me and landed on the bed. I moved my head in that direction as Ferb promptly woke up and turned his own gaze in the direction from which the pillow came from, where, as expected, Phineas was bringing his left arm down and whining jokingly about his miss.

"Aw, dang, I missed! Oh well, I'll get it again some other time."

_Of course,_ I thought to myself, jumping down from the bed. Meanwhile the boys started laughing at the playful gesture.

The Sun was shining through the windows toward the middle of the room that bright August morning, and as the curtains were generally never down, you could easily see the weather. There were barely any clouds out, and you had to wait a few seconds after they passed to see another one. It was only predictable that today would be just another (ab)normal day for everyone. Funny, we've been having a lot of those lately, ever since last summer. Before then, they would happen from time to time, but ever since the boys built that rollercoaster it seemed there was one happening whenever they had free time.

By extension, this also happened to my daily missions, but I'll go into that in a bit. But while I gave you that bit of information, Phineas and Ferb got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast, the former sharing his ideas as they did.

Candace was already there eating a bowl of cereal (and still in her pajamas, for some reason) when they arrived. You could tell from her expression she didn't seem to have slept well and probably had a weird dream again or such, which rendered Phineas's question of if she slept well a blatantly obvious one.

"No. Actually I was having some messed up dream involving you squirts, Perry, and a crapload of violence you're too young to hear the details about. And to be honest, a lot of the details are too fuzzy anyway so don't ask."

Phineas was seemingly about to reply when she interrupted him. "And if you're thinking about doing something crazy involving that, don't. You guys give me a headache as it is."

"We do?" Phineas's face flashed with concern. "How?"

"Well, frankly, it's pretty obvious. You guys are always-"

"Oh, good morning, kids!" Candace's statement was interrupted as none but Mr. and Mrs. (Flynn- **[A/N: the surnames threw me off so don't ask]**)Fletcher entered the dining room, the latter holding a reusable bag full of goods and the former an orange cube-shaped...well, cube. Specifically a Rubik's Cube with all the center cubes removed. There was also nothing in the middle to indicate there ever were any to begin with. Also each of the remaining smaller cubes seemed to be a miniature version of the larger one.

Phineas was quick to reply. "Hey Mom, hey Dad! Whatcha got there?" The boys approached their (in Phineas's case step)father to get a closer look at the cube.

("So goes any chance of explanation.")

"Oh this?" Lawrence answered. "Why, this is a Menger sponge. I found two of them in the shipments sent to the store. We were planning on giving them to you, boys, since we didn't order them but unfortunately, we sold the other one by mistake. It was a maroon color and you would've loved to see it."

"What about me?" Candace inquired

"Don't worry, Candace. I didn't leave you out. Here's that Ducky Momo DVD you were asking (constantly) about last week," Linda reassured her daughter as she shuffled her hand through the bag and walked toward the table. After a few seconds, however, her face started to fall.

"Oops. Hold on a minute, hon, I think I may have misplaced it somewhere." She put the bag down on the counter and started searching for the clearly missing item.

"It's not here...nope...oh, where did I put it? I last remember having it back at the business, maybe I left it there. I'm sorry, honey, I think I may have lost it."

On cue, Phineas started, "Aw, that's unfortunate. Maybe we can-"

"_Nooooo..._" Candace interrupted before the young keet could think of something followed by saying 'I know what we're gonna do today!'.

Too bad, from what I can tell via security footage she doesn't seem to realize what she's missing. And it doesn't help that the boys are evidently mainly in on it to make people happy.

"You mean you don't want us to help you find your missing DVD? Aw...well, if you insist."

"Well, as much as I appreciate the motivation, I know you guys and I know you would build something totally mind-blowing to do it."  
(That's not what she said when she was piloting that Treehouse Robot with her friend Stacy last summer. It wasn't that hard to remember considering one tripped over the zipline that Doof had shot at City Hall that day. Meanwhile I need to cut down on statements made in parentheses.)

"Yeah, so?"

"It's not normal, Phineas!"

"So? What's wrong with that?"

A slightly unnerving silence encompassed the entire dining room. Everyone looked to the two siblings, one confused and the other...Well, to put it short, if you know how to read the atmosphere it wouldn't be that hard to tell Candace was seemingly pierced by the question.

"...Never mind. It's nothing serious. But whatever the heck your next project is, keep it small."

("I guess we _could_ see if I really did leave it there."

"Well, it's better than nothing so I say we should look.")

"Ok, then...So, is trying to build a small translator for Perry small enough?"

"Haven't you already tried translating his speech?"

"No, just his chattering sound, which didn't seem to mean anything and/but for all we know could just be to emphasize his actual language, assuming he has one, of course. This one's gonna translate way more than just that, and if he wants he can use it at will without even making a sound."

_Hmm...Well, I'll have fun using it at work. Besides, I have a lot of choice words I want to say to _someone_ I know._

"Huh...I don't get how you can do that without actually knowing his language but it doesn't seem that big so okay."

"Great! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!"

_3, 2, 1, 0...-1, -2...oh well, not now then. Good, because they're gonna need me to test it out on. Nice to see it's not one of those times where one world needs me while I'm occupied with the other._

* * *

It really didn't take that long to build the translator. Maybe 5-10 minutes and some extra time trying to figure out how to make it work without actually having to study my language as Candace predicted but that was it, really.

"And now for the final stage, TESTING!" Phineas yelled hammily. Ferb picked up the translator and attached it to my collar. The two boys bent down in front of me for closer observation.

...

"Strange small object," I said dumbly, being careful not to mention colors since most platypi or however you say it are colorblind. No need to blow my cover. "Tall square human pup carry. Short triangle head pup."

_This feels so weird for some inexplicable reason._ Even now I don't know why, despite the fact that, as I have stated, I was trying to avoid blowing my cover. Maybe it was because I had a much larger and more detailed vocabulary than I implied, even if I would probably piss the Grammar Nazis at least a million times this week while using it, assuming the boys forget to add in something to automatically correct my grammar. Which is understandable, since they didn't realize it was important, but still...

What? I can use informal speech. After all, who doesn't around here?

**_"IT WORKS!"_** Phineas shouted. Ferb flinched a little and had to step back. Really, why was the former being so hammy over this one small project? Especially considering he builds bigger things almost every day? He then shouted toward the house. "Hey, Candace, check it out, it works!"

I then heard a vibration that I initially though was my wrist communicator (though normally I just call it a watch since it's quicker) until Ferb pulled out his smartphone that he'd gotten for his birthday.

"It appears I have a text," the boy spoke, using his first line of the day. "It's from Candace. '_Hold on, I'm getting dressed._' "

Wait, Phineas was the one who called Candace. Why was she texting Ferb instead?

Then my watch vibrated. Yep, _now_ I get called to work.

_Not just yet, they'll see me._ I knew I'd have to wait for the boys to both be distracted, maybe by some other idea.

"Huh. That wasn't very hard at all. We still have a lot of day left to seize." _Yeah, just like that._ "Hmm...hey, Ferb, isn't it that time every four years when they have that Everything Remotely Capable of Having a Festival for Festival?"

Ferb nodded.

"And haven't they been short an attraction since that one engineering company closed down a few years ago?"

"I believe it was called Bakenno Inc. or such. Yes they have."

"Yeah, I thought so. That or it's been really boring."

_3, 2, 1._

"I know what else we're gonna do today!"

_And now's a good time._

I silently but quickly walked to the hidden entrance in the side of the wall, opened the door, and dropped in.

("Hey, where's Perry? Oh well, so much for showing everyone. Never mind, Candace!")

I dropped down into the red chair facing the screen to see...ahem, Francis Monogram in a ridiculous hat. I think it was a sombrero but I'm not sure.

_If this is like the time that hippie who looked just like him and had a temptation to sing showed up...Never mind. It could be worse. I could have trouble getting to work to the point I end up being so late the crazy scheme has already somehow disappeared on its own...Like that one time...Huh. Funny, I used (or tried to use) the same lair entrance that time._

And I was getting lost in my thoughts. But back to reality, where I was hearing this gem:

"This will work great with the multicolor vest. But why is it taking so long for Carl to find the thing? Oh well, I bet the Spexico attraction is going to be smashing this year! Huh. Why do they call it that-oh! Agent P! Sorry about the lack of focus, I've just been overexcited about the Everything Remotely Capable of Having a Festival for Festival and as you can see, I'm looking forward to the Spexico attraction...not that I have any idea what it'll be like. But anyway, we don't know what Doof is up to but he has blueprints all over his penthouse and a few of them have been giving our security monitors a pain in the-"

"Ahem!" _Thank you, translator. I didn't want to hear it either._

"Oh, pardon me-wait. Agent P, was that _you?_"

I nodded. "Phineas and Ferb built translator...seems there is no autocorrect."

_I take back my previous comment._ Just as I'd predicted, it lacked an autocorrect feature. Oh well, at least it comes with tone of voice.

"Well, that's quite interesting. Are they, by any chance building an attraction for the Everything Rema-we should probably just shorten it to ERCOHAFFF or something...wow. The first good acronym to come from this agency...I think. The three F's kinda ruin it."

"_Indeed, it is,_" I responded, not really caring about the acronym thing. "And yes. Yes they are. Back to mission, please."

"Ah, excuse me. Anyway, do what you do and go stop him."

I saluted the Major and made off to my hovercar. But before I could turn on the motor, I was interrupted.

"Oh, and Agent P? We've been examining your files and it seems you have the longest Continuous Mission recorded as of yet, set to reach the four year mark this week. Which isn't a bad thing if you know what you're doing, since it seems C-Missions are incredibly common around this area. I just thought you should know. But anyway, good luck, Agent P."

I took off after the message was finished, not exactly concerned by it but not quite interested in brushing it off either.

("Sir, I brought the vest you were looking for. Only the colors have faded so I'm not sure if you'll still want it."

"You couldn't have told me earlier, Carl?!")

_Wow, four years already,_ I reflected, setting the hovercar to autopilot so I could allow my thoughts to wander. It was obvious Francis was talking about my assignment to Doof; after all, an agent can have no more than one C-Mission at a time, and they are, after all, exactly what they say on the tin: any mission consisting of a series of smaller missions. For most agents, it comes with their assignment, but not always, in which cases it tends to be lower-priority compared to other unrelated missions, which is especially grating if that other mission is, say, an assigned mission far from where you live that they suspect might very well be _another_ C.

Frankly, what a C-Mission said about an agent depends on the exact circumstances. For those of you who haven't noticed but you probably have, they're incredibly common in Danville and other parts of the Tri-State Area; hence an agent in or from Danville usually won't get that much of a reaction from it, unless yours had grown especially long which usually yielded at most a neutral 'Wow' (and believe me, I knew. I got that a lot). Other parts...not so much.

The familiar jingle of DEI signaled that I would arrive at the building soon. I pushed the thought from my mind deciding to focus on whatever task would be at hand as I looked for a part of the floor **NOT** covered by blueprints where I could park my hovercar without setting fire to Doof's floor and possibly the entire building.

There didn't seem to be one anywhere. I figured I would just park outside in the parking lot and then take the elevator just as a rolled-up stack of blueprints smacked me in the face.

Cue my snarky expression as Doof came out of a closet wearing a sort of belt holding _another_ stack. "Maybe it's here somewhere-oh, hey, Perry the Platypus!"

ಠ_ಠ

...

"Let me guess, I threw that stack of blueprints right into your face, didn't I?"

I nodded, my expression not leaving. I was thinking of waiting for an appropriate time to show him the translator all of a sudden, since it was occurring to me he would probably overreact otherwise.

"Well, excuse me, Mr. Snark Knight. I lost the blueprints for my newest -inator and I can't find them anywhere. I should really start filing these things away better and you have nowhere to park that thing, do you?"

I shook my head.

"Oh. Well, let me just clear this space over here and that there and..." He started shoving some of the blueprints off to the side trying to clear enough room for my hovercar. Frankly it took a while but after some time I managed to finally come down and park. Still it felt like forever to me.

"Yeah, sorry about that. But anyway, like I said I lost the blueprints for my -inator. I was planning on...well, actually I don't remember what I was planning but...oh." Doof had a realization. "No wonder I can't find the blueprints. I don't know what I'm looking for! Oh great, now I have to start all over again from scratch."

I facepalmed. Really, how did I not see that coming? I walked back into the hovercar, sat down, and would have taken off right then and there if I hadn't felt the need to not waste my visit...and gas.

So I just sat there waiting to see what would happen next.

...

"So...you're staying?"

I nodded.

"Um...okay, then, if you insist but are you sure?"

I nodded again. _Yes, yes, I know what I'm doing. I'm absolutely undeniably sure._

"Well, then. I guess we can just talk if you want, even if it is more likely than not gonna be a one-sided conversation," he conceded, sitting down next to me.

_Not necessarily. _I figured now might be a more appropriate time to introduce the translator and decided to say something but I was instead interrupted.

"You know, I was at this antique store yesterday and they had this weird cube thing. I looked it up and it was a Menger cube or something. The lady said it was under $199 or something, I forget, so I paid and left with it but in retrospect I think she was talking about something else...Huh. She looked like that girl from high school. You know, the one I told you about who became a pop star?" The doctor brought out the cube in question, and sure enough it was the missing Menger sponge I had heard about earlier, a solid maroon color just as Mr. Fletcher had said.

_Really, these contrived coincidences have become so common it's not surprising. What's next, did he take the DVD while he was at it?_

"Then again she _was_ busy setting up some things that were probably merchandise, though what she had a Ducky Nono or whatever it was DVD for I don't know."

So the DVD really _was_ at the store. I nodded and almost wanted to laugh at the strange, unlikely coincidence.

But was it just me or was the cube _glowing?_

I poked the object in question and it started to glow brighter.

"Huh. Interesting...I don't remember it glowing. Maybe there's something wrong with it, just give me a few minutes." He got out of the seat and started walking toward a fairly long table that seemed to be covered in various objects that I couldn't make out from where I was...not counting the blueprints, of course. He stood on the other side of it and pulled out one of these by what looked like a handle but I didn't manage to see exactly what it was. But one way or another he shoved it behind the belt off to the side and out of my view before...taking a small rod and poking around randomly at the cube, its glow having evolved into a light steadily growing brighter and brighter, to the point where it seemed to be _consuming_ the cube and its maroon color was becoming less and less visible.

What._  
_

I was feeling the temptation to bang my head against something. Other than the steering mechanism which I wasn't going to risk breaking, like in those sitcoms where anything that can go wrong _**WILL **_go wrong.

"Yeah, I don't see anything." _Because you weren't really looking._ He set the cube down on the counter as it reached its apparent brightest point. To clarify, the light had consumed the cube to the point where it seemed entirely _made_ of light, its original maroon color nothing but a faint tint that you had to look very closely to see. Seriously, how was I not damaging my eyes by looking at it?

"Ok now it doesn't even make sense...Perry?"

I made eye contact with the doctor. That he didn't use my full name may have had something to do with it but I'm not sure.

"Either it's just me or the weird light is expanding outward from the cube."

_...Oh boy. This is gonna be like one of those stories where some random person who ends up being an important character gets unwillingly teleported to wherever, isn't it?_

I stood up out of my seat to examine the cube, and sure enough, the tinted light was radiating slowly outward from its source, beginning to engulf the table as well as the blueprints that still covered it. It accelerated as it consumed the furniture, and began rushing down the table's legs and across the entire floor. When it reached any of the various pieces of furniture it would crawl up its legs and consume that as well. Eventually it had covered the entire floor and proceeded to scale the walls and then cover the roof. The doors weren't left out of the action either, being assimilated as well and, if I could trust my hearing, seeming to lock in the process.

"Yeah, this is definitely one of those stories," Doof remarked nervously with an understandable amount of terror, granted his tone of voice was nonetheless more nonchalant than I would have expected, but not by much. Actually, I didn't notice either until I thought back to it.

Strangely, it wasn't as unnerving as fiction usually makes it. I figured it was probably because it showed up too much there. And judging by the comment quoted above, I wasn't the only one who noticed this.

Doof started walking toward me as the last bit of untouched room was assimilated and the entrance to the balcony from which the hovercar had flown in through was sealed off by a cascade of maroon tendrils that grew into vines as they lengthened emerging from the edges of the light (which strangely had not left the room). They knitted themselves together tightly such that they were virtually impossible to pierce through or even lay a nick on.

_Well, we're screwed._

The vines obscured any view of outside before melding together into a solid maroon wall. It didn't seem weak enough to break down or take apart in any way partly due to the fact that it still had the shape of the individual vines, but frankly there was no way I could just stay here for however long whoever or _what_ever decided. I walked up to examine the wall for any weak spots I could tear down, and gave a displeased and somewhat frustrated look when I found none.

I was about to punch the wall in frustration before hearing a pointless "I think you should stay away from that wall. I have a bad feeling about this."

Wait, when did Doof get behind me? And yeah, that second sentence was _soooooo_ not for obvious reasons.

I turned around thinking _Yeah_ _sure but why not?_, holding a hand out for emphasis. Seriously, Dr. D, is that the best you can come up with?

"...What? I'm suspicious, that's all! And if one of those vines detaches itself and grabs your arm (like right now), I have the right to say 'I told you so'."

_Oh yeah. Ha ha. Very rea- wait._

Sure enough, one of the vines was extending from the wall and wrapping itself around my arm, moving upward in my direction. I struggled to pull it away to no avail.

Well, will you look at that. The one time he's right about something and it's an apparent threat. That another vine then decided to grab my other arm and a third my tail didn't help. I tried pulling away but it didn't do me any good.

It was apparent there weren't any tools or anything that would help me, the ones I brought with me out of reach and everything in the room apart from myself and Doof having been assimilated...wait...

Actually never mind. I turned to him but he was busy trying to pry a full-size vine that had extended from the wall at some point off his ankle and to be blunt, it didn't seem intent on going anywhere either.

"...This verdamnt vine...Why isn't it moving?"

_Whatever he does, it's best he not comment about his hands which is pretty much tempting fate in this case._

"...Least my hands are free."

And then it promptly decided to tie both of his hands to that foot.

...

"Yeah, I had that coming." He tried kicking the vine with his other foot but instead just ended up injuring something judging by his reaction (which consisted of cursing repeatedly in English and German. I think he may have also thrown in an "I told you so" but my memory's a little foggy).

_...He looks busy._

I turned away, figuring he wouldn't really help me very much here. I began attempting to loosen the vine that had ensnared my entire left arm by this point and ignore the squeezing sensation plaguing my tail at the same time even though it was obvious it wouldn't work.

Suddenly the wall turned a dark navy blue and then split apart off to the sides like a massive door (but a lot messier), revealing a bright, yet incredibly cold light like that which had assimilated the room. I finally gave up struggling to observe the change and half-figured this would be the part where the random portal shows up in fiction and drags in the unsuspecting protagonist. The walls/doors then extended deeper inward toward the assumed portal before starting to crumble.

_Oh crap_ doesn't even _begin_ to describe the scene. The resultant adrenaline rush wasn't overwhelming, thank God, but to say it didn't make my blood run cold would be a lie. I tuned out anything that wouldn't save my life, the fight-or-flight response kicking in quite strongly.

The doors devolved back into the vines that had made them before fragmenting into small pieces that fell backwards into the portal, turning red before finally fading from view. I simply stared at the portal as it devoured what had become of the doors, sort of like how many people imagine a black hole when they watch too much science fiction, only the portal in question wasn't black at all.

And this is where I distract myself and you with an unneeded statement about how fiction always gets things wrong and you, the audience, fail to realize this and perceive things the wrong way. Believe me, Pinky has tried the 'picture people naked' thing and it doesn't work. In fact, it's probably a better option that you just spout a non-sequitur and build on it, like I'm doing right now.

Oh, who am I kidding? It doesn't work.

That my restraints were breaking apart into tiny pieces and then flying away did not go unnoticed, and it wasn't that hard to figure out what often comes after this part, except when it doesn't. It wasn't that long before my tail and one of my arms had been released and I was attempting to pull myself back toward the room along the breaking one hanging weakly around my other. I was just barely able against the pull tearing apart the wall/door to move a few feet upwards before releasing it and climbing slowly upward.

At least I attempted, but the pull grew steadily stronger and the vines' disintegration was quickening faster than I could avoid just climbing straight up. I quickly thought of a plan, though, and never felt so relieved to bring my grappling hook.

I took it out, putting it in front of me so it wouldn't be snatched away, and immediately located a table leg from the same table from earlier when the light had begun spreading outward. Great.

I just needed a better firing angle. I climbed up, just enough to shoot and...

...I misstepped.

The vine crumbled under my feet and my balance was thrown off. It just happened I managed to _drop_ my grappling hook trying instinctively and without coordination to regain a stable position and then ended up falling inwards myself. I felt the gravitation steadily growing irresistible while being dragged rapidly into...whatever the assumed portal led to.

I briefly berated myself for my moment of stupidity as I realized it before deciding not to fight the pull in case I needed to save my energy, and I knew in the back of my mind that I did...somehow. I don't know how I knew, the thought just came over me and I could feel someone would be in danger...

Someone in danger...

_Wait, what about-_

I failed to finish the thought before a final tug sent me off. I was shortly greeted by what appeared to be small, photo-size squares before abruptly blacking out.

* * *

_***ring ring***_

_**Hello? Wait, you're China? The personification from Hetalia?  
**_

_**China: Yes, and I want the Great Wall back.  
**_

_**What are you talking about, I don't have the Great Wa-wait, are you talking about the giant Author's Note at the beginning of this chapter? Oh, sorry, that's not it. Look, I'll get back to you in a bit and help you find it but for now I'm busy so bye! *hangs up*  
**_

_**...Yeah, I spend too much time on TV Tropes. I just parodied X Called, They Want Their Y Back while making a Shout Out to Hetalia-Axis Powers *shot* Huh. I wonder how much money I'd have if I had a nickel for every trope in this chapter 'cause it feels pretty darn Troperiffic (or at least Trope Overdosed) by my standards. Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking, Overly-Long Gag, yeah I could do this all day.  
**_

_**Anyway, I'd like to credit Maniac's Maniac for helping me with some of the later plot points. They were giving me a hard time and I didn't know what to do with them. I'd also like to thank NattyMc for helping me decide on weapons for the characters even though technically I came up with the list myself. But hey, I wouldn't have though of playing the trope known as Whip It Good if she hadn't suggested it...ok, I need to calm down with the TV Tropes.  
**_

_**And for those of you who are wondering, yes, P&F and co. will get involved. Really, that Lawrence gave the boys a cube of their own should have made it obvious. Also for those of you who know what I was getting at when I said that for readers familiar with Higurashi/HetaOni one of those plot points is anyone's guess, you're free to guess which character ends up falling victim to it but please don't spoil it to anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about 'cause if you do I will bribe Steve the Alien into hunting you down and killing you. Those who don't, I recommend both stories to you, they're worth the read. Only I'd like to point out HetaOni is still ongoing as well as on hiatus so you're gonna have to put up with a severely unnerving cliffhanger and the Higurashi anime sucks compared the series's other merchandise.  
**_

_**I was originally gonna have Chapter 2 be a part of this but it was getting pretty long as it is so I just decided against it. Meanwhile I don't know why exactly I decided to give Perry a translator, partly since I'm not even sure he'll need it (he only got like two or three lines of dialogue this chapter!). I mainly just stuck it in there just in case so don't shoot me for it. Now, I'd like to point out that this takes place a year after the main series. I read something about Season 3 happening a year after 1 and 2 but it seems more like that person didn't do the research so I would enjoy some clarification. In addition, Perry **_**does_ indeed get snarkier in scenes with just him and Doof when the former narrates. I actually have him as an inversion of the typical Tsundere though whether TV Tropes would consider him a type B or just an inversion I don't know since I don't really see the line between the two._  
**

_**Now I've gotta help China find the Great Wall so I'll see you again next chapter! Bye!  
**_


	3. Perry: Gone Missing, Group Split

_**Alright, then. Now that the Great Wall has been returned to China I think it's time we get back to the story. (No I do not know who stole it.)**_

_**EDIT: Some small edits. Nothing major like the entire latter half of Chapter 3, though.**_

_**Now, I'd like to thank sonicboy678 for the review as well as all those who decided to read the first chapter and are tuning in right now for reading. Still, is there any reason why I'm low on reviews or why I feel like there's something I'm forgetting to mention? Oh, what the heck is it?**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Phineas and Ferb. Why do you think this is on of all places?**_

_**...That's not it...seriously, what the f**k am I forgetting? And is there any reason why the f-word is censored up here but not when Perry uses it in the narration? Yes, there will be cursing so keep that in mind.**_

**_Contains a (short) fight scene with a small amount of gore. I have never written one before so it'll probably be a little shabby but oh well._**

_**...No, that's not it either.**_

* * *

My head was killing me when I woke up.

I opened my eyes and found I was looking upward at a gloomy sky with a...green tint?

_Alright, who's responsible and how did they do it? And where the heck am I?_

I sat up, massaging my head and trying to remember what last happened before my passing out.

The boys were playing around, right? And then I was late for work...no, they waited to call me in. And after that I found out Doof had forgotten his plan entirely and then...oh yeah.

I was hoping he was fine._ After all, this is going to be one crazy fanfic...and I just broke the fourth wall. (Is it bad if I enjoy that trope?)_

Somehow my head managed to stop aching in spite of my contemplation, so I stood, examining exactly where I had been taken to.

I was on what seemed to be a roof, one with the same green tint as the sky above. It looked and felt more like a bowl, at least from where I was, and I seemed to be in the middle. I climbed upward and out, grateful that it wasn't too steep or such, and stepped onto the flat ledge.

Surrounding the apparent building were numerous more, also green but with somewhat more variety in the various shades, in various distinct shapes, some of which were architecturally impossible unless you had, say, a levitation device that would prevent all the unsupported weight from falling over. Probably part of the physics of this...Otherverse? I decided I would call the unfamiliar world by the name unless it turned out to have one of its own. I figured it was in a different universe entirely, having not remembered passing it while dimension-hopping back during the Second Dimension Incident. Far enough away were some with colors other than green. I guess they were more structures than actual buildings...

Some of them were in good shape. A few in particular seemed to have just been built. Others just...weren't stable in any way. I could have sworn touching the wrong one would cause it to collapse instantaneously before I could even react. Maybe it would, but as I found a door leading inside the building I had found myself in I decided I'd rather not find out.

I opened the door, seeing nothing particularly unusual, just a flight of stairs leading downwards to some lower level. Figuring there wasn't exactly anywhere else to go, I followed it down. It led to a small room with a desk against the wall to my left next to a window and some drawers and a closet off to my right. They actually had fairly normal colors, both being painted brown. Between these two furnishings was a bed with white sheets and pillows. To be honest, it looked fairly comfortable, not that I was in any mood to sleep. But in essence, it was a bedroom.

There was a door on the opposite side of the room from me. I took a quick peak inside the closet and drawers and, finding nothing, exited into a hallway.

It was apparent the building was a house. Probably a fairly large one, but a house nonetheless.

I searched the rooms off to the side. There really wasn't much, though a couple of rice balls made better food than none at all, and I'd have to eat at some point. I decided to save it for later, putting it in my hat. I always did find it amusing how I could keep any amount of portable items up there and then pull them back out in less than a minute. Really, how does that even work?

Eventually the search ended and I went downstairs. I'd chosen to stay alert in case I heard something out of the ordinary.

So I wasn't particularly unnerved by the sound of chalk against a wall, beyond questioning why I would be hearing that sound in an apparently deserted and likely parallel universe. I continued to walk, though more quietly. If there was something there that wouldn't hesitate to kill me, I'd prefer not to die here. Hence I didn't leave the steps, choosing instead to peer into the room and observe if there was anything or anyone there.

I didn't see anything, though I chose just in case to not leave the staircase just yet, instead waiting for the drawing sounds to stop. They subsided after a few minutes, and I warily stepped into the room, not quite certain whatever was making the noise had left just yet.

I found in front of me was a coffee table with a dull blue tablecloth, surrounded on three sides by couches of the same color. To the right of these furnishings was what appeared to be an exit from the building, to the left a dining room. I chose to investigate before leaving.

Under the couch across from me was a blue key, while the one to the left of the staircase had a ripped piece of paper under it. The paper showed a straight orange arrow pointing in the direction of the rip, and had a solid square on the other end.

The dining room contained just the kind of furniture you would expect in a dining room: a large table surrounded by various chairs. Interestingly enough, the table was set. Plates, cups, utensils, they were all placed in a formal tableware arrangement. One of the cups even contained some lemonade.

...

I decided to leave it. It looked as though it had been poisoned at some point and I didn't want to take the chance.

There was a door near the edge of the dining room leading to the kitchen. I entered and then poured the lemonade down the sink (which wasn't functioning, incidentally). There were various shelves full of ingredients, but judging by the smell they all seemed to have gone bad. The oven worked at first before blowing up, though thankfully the explosion wasn't big enough to cause any serious damage and I managed to get off alright, albeit with ash all over my face. The cupboards were full of various pots, pans, etc., including some mayonnaise and the materials you would need to make a blowtorch powered by it (and I would have if I had the tools for it). Most of them were empty, apart from one which contained...a tote bag?

What kind of sane person would leave a tote bag in a pot?

I decided I would hold on to it, in case I needed to carry anything that wouldn't fit in my hat. I stuck the blowtorch materials in there while I was at it in case I found tools for making one later. Then, finding nothing else of value, I finally left the building.

The street in front of me was colored like, well, an actual street. As in it actually looked like asphalt. It was even lined with lane lines and certainly fake cars. But ignoring that, I could see now that some of the doors looked like actual doors with knobs and keyholes, but that these were clearly and unmistakably outnumbered by ones that...didn't. It was fairly obvious they were just tall rectangles used as stand-ins for doors and didn't actually function.

It was safe to assume that the key belonged to one of the real doors, and that anything that wasn't tinted green was usable. I began testing the key on the doors. I didn't find it, though, before growing exhausted. I preceded to walk along the road, figuring maybe I'd find something else I could use.

After maybe an hour of walking, I reached a point where the structures' and everything else's color changed suddenly. Beyond two adjacent structures, everything was blue, as if someone had dipped that area in paint and left everything else untouched. On my left were more structures, on the right a black fence.

Funny, it was the same shade of blue as the key I'd found.

_Maybe the key actually belongs to somewhere here..._

It didn't seem to make much of a difference, though, so I continued ahead. But once I had passed the last green structure, a bolt of lightning struck in the distance, and the tint in the sky suddenly changed to match the blue color.

Other than that, though, nothing really changed. I shrugged it off and kept going until I could see the road make a T up ahead.

Hmm...

I approached the intersection when suddenly the key darted out of my hat (what?) and flew toward the lock on a gate to my right. It pushed itself into the keyhole, then became a normal color and turned. The lock unlocked itself and then set itself down in front of the gate it had previously been holding shut, which then opened inward. The walkway behind it then turned red like Candace's shirts.

I really didn't understand what was happening by this point.

I picked up the lock and key, putting them (back) into my hat and decided to follow the red path.

It didn't change color, but the farther I walked the more the ground surrounding it started to turn a deep purple and then maroon and red. I continued onward until the ground was almost completely red, finding another gate. Only this one had been left open, so it wasn't too hard to pass through.

Frankly, though, I was getting tired of seeing just structures. These ones were like the ones in the green area, but obviously different shapes and a different color. The doors were the same as well, apart from one being open.

I know the first rule of any survival horror, and for that matter any horror story in general, is to never enter any room that looks out of place but I honestly didn't care. If I could survive an investigation in there I could probably find something useful, and I honestly wanted to take a short break at the moment.

It looked like the house from earlier, but with two fewer couches and less rooms in the hallway. Also there wasn't a staircase leading to the roof. One of the doors in the hallway was locked so I chose to pick it open.

Wait a second. Why didn't I try that earlier? Seriously, how could I not have thought of that?

I managed to open the door after a rather short time and probably the easiest way to sum up what was behind it would be 'what the fuck is this'.

Behind the door was this...this _thing_ that appeared to have come from the deepest, most appalling depths of the Uncanny Valley...meaning it had a sort of resemblance to a human...but it was twisted and warped so terribly that the sight was less comforting and more horrifying...Even now it still terrifies me. Yeah, I know how fans are and I know that you're quick to turn 'efficient soldier' into 'nigh invulnerable'. Anyone who has this situation is called a Memetic Badass. So just trust me when I say I had seen such a horrific thing that I don't even know if I could describe it in full all at once to you and not break my brain (and frankly, I would've left it completely up to your imagination anyway)...I'm actually not willing to find out...So imagine the image above from the few details I've given you...But imagine it from the back, because it was facing away from me at the time. I was relieved I didn't have to see it from the front yet, since I probably would have frozen on the spot unable to process the entire horror at once for my first time and then it would have killed me.

I immediately darted to where if it turned around it wouldn't have been able to see me, decided to carefully try to process what I had just seen, and when I was ready I looked behind the door again and it was...

Gone.

_What?_

I tiptoed quietly into the room, and as much as I _most certainly did not want to see it again, _I kept my eyes out for the thing in case it showed up again. At one point I stepped on a creaky floorboard and winced at the sound. I quickly looked around me to see if it had returned and quite likely noticed me, but saw nothing.

It was a large room, larger than any you would expect from a two-story house. It appeared to be a storage, it was certainly big enough and took on the appearance of a collection of random items that seemed to have no actual correlation but that you would expect to belong to a family of four. Though there was actually nothing there; actually it was just a number of large shapes that took on the appearance of a storage.

The only thing actually there was a box containing more rice balls. A few looked old, too old to eat, but for the most part it would do.

I removed the old ones from the basket and found a note attached to one. I decided to read it; after all, it was short enough.

_Ever acted rashly after some incident? Then again, putting emotion into things supposedly makes them more effective._

Wasn't that quite the Captain Obvious moment?

I put the note in my hat, then closed the box and set it in my tote bag. But as I stood up to leave, a shadow appeared from behind me.

_Let me guess, it's back and it's behind me. Go figure._

_And I will probably have to fight it._

I turned around, cancelling out all the fear I knew would soon enter my system and instead allowing myself to feel my second adrenaline rush of the day. The thing brought down its arm in an attacking stance just as it came into view.

I immediately dodged to the right and put a fair amount of distance between it and myself. I quickly set the bag down, stood straight, and faced the enemy in question, which was rushing toward me at a surprisingly fast speed for its size, wanting to land a blow.

I launched out of the way only to find the thing had stunted a feint and it managed to slice something slightly open. Ah well, it wasn't that big, lethal if left unattended but for the most part an easy fix.

Managing a smooth landing (and ignoring the spillage of rice balls behind me), I directed my attention at the thing in question.

_Well, if that's how you want to play..._

It prepared to send another attack my way, but I was very much ready and made the first move. I 'aimed' a little off from the thing's arm and as it was about to move out of the way I managed to spin off the thing's body and kick it upside the head. It tumbled backwards while I landed smoothly on both feet, stumbling to regain balance and failing. It fell to the floor face down.

_...Huh. It's not moving._

Well, better time than ever to take off, as unexpectedly easy that was. I briskly packed the rice balls (which thankfully managed to stay in the box for the most part) and, making sure there wasn't anything else going after me, made my escape under the cover of stand-ins replacing belongings. I could hear it attempting to get up and follow me and so hurried to the door which I'd left open for some reason. When I reached it I made sure there was nothing in the hallway that would try and kill me, and when I knew it was safe out I jolted like a lightning bolt to the other side of the door and then silently closed the door and jammed the lock. From behind the door it could be heard trying vainly to snuff me out and I figured it may very well be able to just break the door down, so I didn't hesitate to make my way back downstairs and out of the house. I closed the door behind me and escaped down a sort of alleyway.

_Whew._

That was too close.

I finally allowed myself to calm down and my thoughts to better process themselves. I sat down, leaning against the wall. It wasn't tiring or anything, what had just happened. No, I've used plenty of energy in the space of a day for many days at a time. I was just letting everything sink in better.

Dear Lord, it's even _**more **_disturbing from the front. That I could see its eyes didn't help but at least I can actually describe those.

They were these...these _massive_ black holes. I question how it was able to even see with those but they were absolutely _enormous._ And they seemed to be totally lifeless...I may be a little redundant here, but I was glad I caught sight of the back first, since that way I could be ready to see the whole horror.

Well, on the bright side, from what I could see there wasn't anything having followed me in the alleyway. I began to prioritize in the possible safety.

I would need to get some medical attention for the wound from that fight. It wasn't too serious, so I could probably handle it myself, and likely I could wait if need be.

Other than that, however, the only things I really figured I'd have to do were find Doof and however the hell one leaves this place. The one thing not consistent about these kinds of stories.

...

_I really need to stop breaking the fourth wall. I'm serious; it's rumored among the medium aware that particularly serious cases can allow people to escape into whatever universe the story is written in-focus, Perry. I don't have time for this._

I stood, not allowing myself to drop the bag, and checked how safe coming out now would be (no, not _that_ kind of coming out). Not seeing a potential threat, I stepped out of the alleyway and started searching.

(Interesting. The sky changed color to match the location. Probably happens with every different color.)

* * *

I'd been searching the buildings for a while, now picking the locks open when possible (some of them actually resisted and changed shape when I tried; no, really! I didn't bother with those since they wouldn't open either way however much I tried). I searched the red area first, then did a closer examination of the blue one, not having looked that closely the first time. There was a medical kit in one of the buildings there, so I took some time to heal up.

That thing, whatever it was, didn't come back. You can guess how relieving that was.

I continued examining the locked doors to be met with a fair amount of resistance. I was near done with the examination and as I managed to open one of the last door and was about to enter...

I heard a distant _PIYOO! _sound, kinda like a ray gun going off. It was faint and definitely far, but if there was something serious, I could get there fast enough.

And considering I've spent the past four years having to listen to insert-function-here rays on a regular basis, I think I had an idea what the sound meant...

Oh boy.

I sprinted in the direction of the sound, avoiding stand-ins, more concerned about arriving before anything particularly unfortunate happened. If my hat had begun coming loose, I didn't really notice.

The sound had come from in the direction of the green area. I had gotten to the area in which the colors changed when I heard the sound again, now much louder, and I knew I was close.

_PIYOO!_

It was coming from an intersection not too far ahead. Actually, from where I was standing I was able to see the beam coming from the left. I quickened my pace slightly and rounded the corner.

And then I stopped.

There was another one of the things. It wasn't the same one from in the storage room; no, it looked different and seemed to be a bit slower. I was startled to see it, but not quite as horrified as I had been, though, probably since I had already seen one earlier.

Like the last one it wasn't facing me. Actually, it was moving in the opposite direction, seeming to go after something and then stopping.

_PIYOO!_

The shooting sound was now at its loudest and I was certain I knew what was going on here. There was even a certain easily recognizable voice from on the other side of the thing. Whatever he was saying, though, was inaudible from where I was standing.

_Now, how to get around this thing..._

_PIYOO!_

The thing dodged off to the right. I took advantage of the distraction and, myself avoiding the beam, snuck off beyond it from the left before it could catch on (and that familiar voice was most definitely cursing at it, I realized). I kept my eyes on it, though, and once on the other side I backed away to put some distance between it and me.

I ended up backing into a leg and hearing a brief interruption in the string of curses.

"-Scheisse, it's not-Oh, there you are, Perry the Platypus-Why won't it just..."

_Well, at least I found Doof._ I moved to the side slightly.

He kept shooting aimlessly with the ray gun at the thing, maybe hitting something every few shots but really not getting anywhere. To be frank, I couldn't really tell if he was actually even _trying_ to aim properly. I'm serious, he wasn't even holding the thing properly.

It was getting annoying to watch.

Needless to say, I got tired of this after a few minutes, and shortly found myself climbing to the man's shoulders in a very irritated attempt to correct this.

("-the love of-okay! Hey, wait stop! No, that tickles! Perry!")

_...Well, a bit of translation should work wonders._

"Nonono, focus."

"Huh? Wait, who's saying-?"

"Translator."

Looks like the wait was over. Clearly now was a better time than any to finally use that thing again.

"...Wait...so...Perry the Platypus, since when did you have a translator?"

"Since this morning."

(I was finding it slightly amusing how this piece of dialogue seemed to have talking as a free action. That or the thing was just that slow.)

"Um, right...I could really use some help here, you know."

"Easy. Just aim."

"You do realize it doesn't seem to be working, right?"

...

"Wrong."

"What?"

"Arms forward, not straight. Use one hand."

"I don't see how-" (And yet he was following my instructions anyway, bringing his right arm down and the left closer to his body.)

Strange. Why was I telling him to hold the thing with one hand? Given the length of the muzzle, using only one hand would be impractical as the muzzle's weight would be pulled down by gravity. And yet here I was telling him to use one hand. Why I didn't bother to correct myself I couldn't understand. Maybe it was just some sort of instinct. Or maybe I decided that since it was something of Doof's.

"Point."

"Perry the Platypus-"

"Always aim for center of the mass."

"You mean 'the center of mass'?" (There. _Now_ he was aiming properly. Actually he happened to be aiming in just the right spot to land a hit. Meanwhile the thing was finally about to do something threatening.)

"Like that. Now shoot."

He didn't. "Could you slow down? I'm having trouble processing this."

"Irrelevant. Just shoot."

"...Um, okay..."

He pulled the trigger again, now using the ray gun correctly and actually _aiming_ this time. The beam shot the thing in the chest as it prepared to attack (frankly we hadn't moved all that much since the beginning of the discussion so that was to be expected), and it was knocked back from the ray's force.

_Wait, did he just get a critical hit? Well, that's new._

"...Wow. You really must know to shoot, Perry."

...

And that marked the second time today where Doof didn't use my full name. Huh. Never happened twice before.

Eh. Can't be _that_ big a deal.

I finally climbed down now that the aiming problem had gotten off my chest (and nerves) and returned my attention to the thing, now preparing to take pursuit.

"We should go now," the doctor was quick to say. You didn't need to tell me twice.

I just nodded, again making a run for it, now dragging Dr. D by the arm with me.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't too concerned as to exactly where I was running. After a short time, though, Doof started asking questions.

"Seriously, where did you get that translator?"

"Someone made it."

"Who?"

"That is classified."

"Where are we going?"

"Don't know."

"...Really."

"Sorry. And where did you get that ray gun?"

"I...don't remember."

_Hmm..._I had a feeling that thing was what he grabbed back in the lab before it got assimilated.

"You built it. Right?"

"Maybe?"

"So, yes."

"Fine, I did."

"When?"

"I honestly don't remember."

"How you know to keep it?"

"I'm guessing your translator doesn't automatically correct your grammar."

"No. No it doesn't."

"Well, whatever you're trying to say, you should try working on that."

"I know," I responded sarcastically. "And don't avoid my question."

"Considering I'm actually confused as to what you were saying, that's probably a good reason to work on your grammar."

"Doof."

"What, I'm just saying. And back to where exactly you're taking me, you do know we're going to have to stop sometime, right?"

I sighed.

"Check if we've lost it."

"You mean whatever that thing was back there? Yeah, it's gone."

_Good._

I took a brief moment to consider our next move, and remembered I was investigating the various locked buildings. I hadn't looked at the ones in the green area and had left a door open in the blue section, which thankfully wouldn't be too hard to find, given we had managed to return to the same building I had awoken on top of and I had already learned how to navigate this place.

But first...

"Are you alright?"

Dr. D seemed to have been surprised by the question, having apparently been distracted by something else.

"What? Oh, um, yeah, I'm fine. Actually I'm more concerned about that bandage you have on."

Ah, so that was the problem. I looked at it, and then just barely made eye contact.

"I already fixed it," I simply answered, shrugging.

"Okay then." He turned awkwardly away from me, as if he didn't want to look me directly in the eye.

...

"So, now what?"

"I was searching earlier. For useful things, you know."

"Really...uhm, actually, so was I. Some bread, a strip of leather right next to a box of sharpened pencils, and this camera. I don't really know _why_ I kept it, I just did. Here, let me get it out, I have it right here."

He started digging through his coat pockets and eventually pulled out what looked like a modern digital camera, but with a slot that probably dispensed photos, like one of those really old-school cameras that no one used anymore, probably so you could print out the photos you took without having to hook the camera up to a printer.

Convenient.

It was green, like everything else in the area but I could tell from the intricate details such as how it actually had a sort of metallic appearance that it was most definitely an actual camera.

"I tried it out and it still works. The pictures are actually really good quality for something lying in the middle of nowhere touched by who-knows-what. Hey, if something picture-worthy comes up we should take a picture with it."

I almost laughed at the statement. Believe me, taking random pictures during events that do not happen on a regular basis was actually quite entertaining. I speak from personal experience. (Again, the Second Dimension Incident comes to mind. Somehow Phineas and Ferb managed to smile and pose for the shots virtually every single time. Seriously, I remember Dr. D was complaining when Phineas asked him to take a picture of the still wet cushion.)

_Oh yeah, I'll have fun with that when it happens._

And here I was getting lost in my thoughts for the third time today.

"You know, it looks kinda late out and considering what the heck we're doing here for I don't think staying out too long is such a good idea," Doof pointed out.

I looked up, and it did indeed seem to be roughly a bit past 7. Wow, where did the time go?

Hm.

_Yeah, we can't stay out here._

I deduced that somewhere in the blue area may possibly be the safest option, since I hadn't seen any of those things there yet. It might show up, though, so I figured I might as well stay on guard.

That last building I hadn't examined would probably have to wait, though, since I felt more secure in a place I had already been to before.

I started walking to the blue area and beckoned with my hand for the doctor to follow me, and being a little more familiar with my surroundings, it didn't take too long to find a place. After it had been confirmed that nothing had walked in here since the door was first opened, I locked the entrance.

This building, unlike the other two I had described to you, had just one floor and two bedrooms with one bed each, along with the various other household necessities.

Admittedly, by the time the aforementioned spot check was completed, it was somewhere between 8 and 9. I really should have seen this coming, but cue Doof crashing down on a bed out like a light around the time I realized this.

I chattered softly to myself with an almost joking tone. Which sounded somewhat gentler than I was going for.

I then promptly found it totally weird. C-Mission or not, most agents will **_not _**admit to watching their nemesis sleep...and then not playing around afterwards. I'm serious, the majority will at least draw on their nemesis's face with a washable marker. And yet here I was.

Well, no one saw it and no one will, so it doesn't matter.

I figured I may as well be nice and not leave the blankets as they were. They hadn't been moved at all since I first found the place.

And he still had the ray gun in his hand (dangling over the side of the bed), which was upside-down on the floor (and touching it, actually). I left it on the lampstand, deciding I could do without it. Besides, I was worried that thing might come in and he'd have to defend himself.

I left the door to the room open and sat by the windowsill, looking outside.

_I wonder how the kids are doing..._

_Fine, I'm willing to bet._

There was a pole next to the wall under me that would make a nice bo staff. It should not go without saying I have sometimes wanted to teach Candace how to use one. Again, Second Dimension Incident. She was definitely capable, if her Other Dimension counterpart was anything to go by.

These are the times I wish both lives could meet without one endangering the other. I'll be honest, I think it would do wonders for _both_ sides if not for those sorts of catches. And hey, both worlds have already interacted **_a lot _**more than theoretically probable, so why not?

...

_It's getting stuffy in here. Huh. Will you look at that? This window opens just fine._

I let the cool outside air pour in, enjoying its relief.

Until I heard someone screaming.


	4. Ferb: Just Some Merzoni

_**Imma back! :D**_

_**EDIT: MASSIVE OVERHAUL.**_

_**Now before we get on to today's story, I'd like to mention that if you see an isolated line of text in parentheses, it's usually not important and, unless you see first-person pronouns, probably not in the narrator's POV. I'll mostly use it for cutaway and dialogue gags and other stuff I feel like throwing in there. Also I've titled the chapters. If it's one POV all the way through, I'll put the narrator's name up there. I think it could come in handy, you?**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own P&F. Though I was unbelievably elated when I found out Dan and Swampy are Tropers.**_

_**(And yes, it is my headcanon that Ferb is older than Phineas. But not legally. Least not in the summer. Legally they're the same age throughout the summer.)**_

_**PHINBELLA RUNS RAMPANT. BE WARNED. (Also a slight bit of FerBella but that was entirely unintentional :/) Also, be prepared for slapping and possibly OOC. If there's anything I can guarantee, it's an angry Candace around the 2500 word mark.**_

* * *

**Earlier this morning**

"I know what else we're gonna do today! We're gonna build a brand-new attraction for the Everything Remotely Capable of Having a Festival for Festival!"

The words were anything but unexpected, knowing my younger stepbrother. We had just built a translator for our pet, Perry, but seeing as it didn't take very long at all it was inevitable we would do another activity.

"It's gonna be the best festival attraction in the history of festival attractions! But first, we're gonna-hey, where's Perry?"

(*insert events of the previous two chapters here but Ferb wasn't there so ignore this*)

"Oh well, so much for showing everyone the translator," Phineas continued. "Never mind, Candace!"

The boy then received a text message.

"It's Candace again," he said. "'_Great 'cause Jeremy's coming by in a few hours and I need to get ready. But if you're doing something bust-worthy I'm coming down there,_'" he read aloud.

I could see on the screen the exact same message, but with considerably more abbreviations.

"Okay. Well, let's sign up for building an attraction up on the website." Phineas began walking in to get a computer on which to examine the list of unprepared attractions before stopping at the sound of a familiar and adorable feminine voice.

"Hey, Phineas. Whatcha doin'?"

It was Isabella, of course, in her standard pink dress, blouse, belt, and bow included.

"Hey, Isabella. We decided we would make an attraction for the Everything Remo...We really need a shorter way of saying that."

"I'd go with ERCOHAFFF or something. Though the three F's in a row kinda ruins it."

"Nah, that's good. So anyway, we decided to build an attraction for the ERCOHAFFF and were about sign up for building one. Hey, maybe you can help us pick while you're at it."

"Really?" Isabella's face brightened. "I wonder if they haven't got someone signed up for a romance attraction yet." She developed a spacey look in her eyes that would have made her crush on my brother obvious to everyone in the world who saw it except, ironically, my brother himself.

"Who knows? Maybe that one's still open. Come on, let's sign!" Phineas ran to the house and bumped straight into the screen door, falling back, and then just as quickly stood back up, opened the door, and _then_ ran inside.

Isabella sighed. "I swear, if he doesn't make the connection soon, I might just lose it," she whispered to me. I gave her a comforting pat on the back.

"Do not worry, Isabella, for '_A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him_.' "

"Thanks, Ferb. And nice touch on the Brendan Francis Behan quote."

I gave her a small, reassuring simper and led her inside, where Phineas was reading the list of available attractions.

"Let's see...It looks like they have the Spexico and Game Board attractions still open. I'm gonna go with the Game Board since that one virtually always seems to be either missing or bad. Isabella, Ferb, what do you think?"

I gave him a thumbs up.

"I have to admit, you're kinda right on that one. Still, did you check the romance attraction?"

"I did. It was already taken, though, so I ruled it out. But we can go stop by it when the festival starts."

Isabella blushed beet-red and she began speaking too rapidly to select her words, resulting in much stuttering.

"YES! I mean I-I'd like that, please, a-a lot...I-It'd be nice." She smiled with a blatant nervousness in her expression.

"Okay, then. We'll go late at night. I heard that's when the romance attractions generally do best."

"Of course it is-I mean, yeah. We'll-We'll go late. I-I think it's a great time too."

"Then it's settled. When the ERCOHAFFF starts, we'll stay there late and when the romance attraction peaks in performance, we'll stop by."

Isabella opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by another female voice.

"Alright, what are you pipsqueaks up to? 'Cause I know it's not about Perry's translator, I heard you say 'Where's Perry?' already."

Candace came walking downstairs, now properly dressed in her red shirt and white skirt (though, looking at it, I believe she was wearing her near-identical looking skort today), and seeming to have recovered surprisingly quickly from the uncomfortable silence this morning at breakfast.

"You guys built Perry a translator?" Isabella asked Phineas.

"Yeah, it took us about 5-10 minutes. We were gonna show everyone but then he wandered off again."

"Really. What voice did it have?"

"We'll leave that to the readers' imagination."

"You just broke the fourth wall," Candace interrupted.

"Well, as long as the break isn't big enough to pass through we should be fine."

"Right...so like I said, what are you up to?"

"We're gonna build an attraction for the upcoming ERCOHAFFF."

"You mean the Everything Remotely Capable of Having a Festival for Festival?"

"That's the one. We shortened the name into an acronym since we thought is was too long."

"Well, you are _soooooo_ busted for that one (the attraction, not the acronym). Ha! Tell me when you're done so I can call Mom while you're at it, 'kay?" She brought her phone out in front of her with a smug look on her face.

"Sure. I'd bet she'd love it. Hey, when we're done, maybe we'll let you try it out if you want. I mean, we _are_ building this for fun, so why not?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just tell me when it's finished."

Phineas just shrugged.

* * *

(_Suitty-up, booty-up, billa-be-do-do-da_  
_Suitty-up, booty-up, billa-be-do-do-da_  
_Suitty-up, booty-up, billa-be-do-do-da_  
_Do-da be-de-da, da-da, da-da-da_)

"Where is that coming from?" Candace asked out loud, likely to no one in particular.

"You mean the background music just above your line?" Isabella responded.

Phineas just shrugged and responded, "I dunno."

Hmm...

"I believe we have just created an exceptionally large break in the fourth wall," I lampshaded.

Baljeet, who had arrived shortly after we had decided on a board game to model our attraction after while being carried at the waist by Buford, nodded and added on. "Yeah, we should really leave this topic." He set down a panel in the floorboard.

"Eh, whatever. But seriously, I don't see why anyone would want to go beyond the fourth wall anyway," Buford apparently felt the need to point out while shoving a block into part of the wall where it had been removed by accident.

"You never know," Phineas answered, merely shrugging.

"Yeah, ok, Dinner Bell. Ya know, whoever had the crazy idea to have a massive superfestival for virtually anything you can have a festival for really must've been out of their mind...Ugh! Finally, that thing's back in the wall."

Candace laughed and appeared to think out loud. "Whoever that was sure wasn't the only one...Are you done yet?"

"No. No we're not," was Phineas's reply.

We had decided that our attraction would be a giant Merzoni gameboard (in a building). The board pieces (to be manned even outside of board-type modes) featured control panels that presented a screen displaying the positions of all active pieces on the board, through which we could move some of the various different sets of pieces around the board. For instance, when in certain board-type modes (during which board pieces became active, of course), we were able to teleport our board pieces around the board as well as 'capture' other pieces by selecting any board piece in attack range and access and then hitting teleport. The captured board piece and its operator would be sent to the 'Out' bench until either the game ended or another player utilized the 'Return' promotion.

Now let me explain the game mechanics, so that those of the board are not alien to you. At the beginning of each game, one player picks one card out of a deck. Which player does this is often decided by way of rolling dice and determining in which order players move, but this is not always the case. The card chosen decides the mode of gameplay for the next few turns. The exact number of turns is decided by rolling another dice, then multiplying the number rolled by 6, subtracting 2, and dividing by 4. If the number of turns is not a whole number, it should be rounded up. Once the mode of gameplay over the following turns as well as the exact number of turns have been decided, the player returns the card to the deck and shuffles it, the pieces for the chosen mode of gameplay are placed, and the gameplay commences according to said mode until the number of turns has been expended, after which the next player picks another card from the deck, rolls, etc. In our board, most pieces are teleported from a large shelf, however cards (all very firm) are lifted by crane, and dice are rolled by hand by the player rolling them.

There are _many_ modes of gameplay that I shall not describe here, but these are played with a variety of items often associated with other contests, many sets of items not exclusive to a particular mode of gameplay. Card-type modes use a different deck from the one used to decide modes, and generally the deck is consistent between each card-type mode. Board-type games all use the same board pieces as well.

After the board was completed, we planned on rocketing it to the ERCOHAFFF. Given the wide variety of pieces and broad expanse of gameplay, few had ever dared to give the full game a physical form, often vastly cutting down the number of modes of gameplay (often causing the identity of the game to warp between regions), and most full versions were exclusive to the Internet and such, but we had done wilder.

It took shortly over an hour including the timeskip to complete. Eventually we had only one more set of pieces to shelve.

Phineas walked up to me. "How convenient. Here we needed a Menger cube and Dad just happened to give us one this morning. Hey, Ferb, would you hand it to me?"

I handed the Menger cube to my younger brother, who then exchanged glances between it and the gameboard.

"Hmm...yep, I think this will work," he finally decided. He then took the last shelf of pieces over to the shelf and looked up at it.

"Of course, I'm not sure how Dad will react if we add this to the giant gameboard and it disappears like a lot of our other stuff. Seriously, I'm _still_ trying to figure out what the heck happened to that mountain of carrots we ordered to make those X-ray glasses last year."

("Welcome to my world.")

...

"I guess he wouldn't mind. Now if I remember correctly, this thing goes on the very top shelf. Problem is I don't know how I'm supposed to put it there...Somehow, we managed to build the ceiling high enough up that we can't actually reach it with a ladder...How am I supposed to get this thing up there?"

Huh.

The top shelf _was_ high. We couldn't lower it down as all other shelves were full and lowering the shelf would displace the pieces, but maybe we could fly it up...

However we did that, though, the object with which we chose to achieve this objective had to be small enough to fit between the bottom of the top shelf and the roof. Thankfully, the shelf itself had an open top, giving us more room to work with.

So what would we hang the cube with?

...

I handed a baseball launcher to Phineas.

"Ferb, you're a genius! Of course, why didn't I think of that? We could put these pieces on a tray, hang the tray from the baseballs and then fly them up and slide it on. It's brilliant!"

I question why the final sentence in that statement was considerably hammier than everything preceding it.

"I'm gonna go get a tray real quickly, be back in a sec!"

As Phineas left, I noticed that most of the others began to talk about different things unrelated to our project. Isabella and Candace were actually talking to themselves, but it still qualified.

"I had the weirdest dream last night..."

"Oh yeah, this is _totally _bust-worthy."

"Interesting. I did not know Phineas and Ferb owned a Menger cube. You know, it is actually a physical model of a fractal curve performed by-"

"I honestly don't care. Seriously 'Jeet, it'd probably be better if this didn't come out as harsh as I think it will, but let's face it. So maybe this Bakenno financial disaster you speak of was bad but ya don't need to-"

"I do not know what you are talking about." The Indian boy interrupted before whispering something unintelligible into the bully's ear. After that their conversation became significantly quieter, such that I could not hear what they were saying.

"Okay. I'm back."

Phineas, having now returned, loaded the remaining pieces onto the tray, handed it to me asking for me to hold onto it as he tied a cloth around it and the baseball, then picked up the launcher and flew the tray up to the top shelf. Then I noticed that the cube was...

...Glowing?

It was faint, and I barely noticed it, but the cube was most certainly emitting a subtle orange light that was slowly but steadily growing brighter and brighter.

A draft suddenly entered the attraction. I rubbed my arms from the sudden influx of cold air. The wind blew the doors shut as Phineas finally managed to land the tray in the top shelf.

"There! I got it! Okay Candace, you can call Mom now."

"YES!" She unhesitatingly phoned her mother's phone number and began yelling into the phone.

"MOM! MOM! PHINEAS AND FERB BUILT A GIANT MERZONI GAMEBOARD AND-wait a sec, there's no connection in here!"

"There isn't?"

"No!"

"Weird. I swore there was a connection earlier. I tried it out and everything."

Everyone seemed to grow worried at this and started mumbling to themselves.

"I think I know what's going on here."

"Candace, I don't know what you're-"

"You rigged this place, didn't you? You purposely cut off all wireless connections to the outside world in here so that when I go outside for a better connection your crazy antics mysteriously disappear like they always do. You set me up!"

"Candace I would never-"

"Save it, Phineas. I'm not falling for it. No, I'm staying right here until Mom comes home 'cause I know whatever mysterious force keeps you guys from getting busted can't do anything while we're all actually here." She sat down directly on the floor and crossed her arms.

"Well, Candace, I actually just tried to open the door," Isabella spoke, sounding somewhat unnerved. "It's stuck. Apparently you'll have to stay in here anyway, I guess."

"WHAT!?"

I managed to find it in me to turn my eyes back to the cube for a brief moment, and saw that the hardly visible glow was replaced by a bright white light with a vague orange tint that, rather than radiating out, had seemingly absorbed the cube and had proceeded to swallow the shelf and its contents.

"I don't know how either. One minute it was working fine and the next, bam! It won't open, honest."

"Oh, that is a load of shi-"

"Candace!"

"Yeah, whatever. I'd think I have the right to curse you guys out for trying to screw me over. And in fact, I'll have you know just how badly you've failed at that. Heck, if anyone's been screwed over it's YOU! Even if I can't call her, Mom's gotta come home sometime, doesn't she, and since the crazy thing can't go anywhere as long as I'm here which apparently I kinda have to be that means she's guaranteed to see it which means you. Are all. BUSTED. AHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What a very nice laugh, Candace," Isabella deadpanned, clearly giving up on arguing with my sister.

"Candace, calm down. We'll try and fix the connection and unjam the doors and-" Phineas was interrupted as he tried to calm the psychotic girl down.

"I DON'T CARE! I'll bust you and I'll defeat you and I'll finally win! And then I'll have all I ever wanted and..."

Silence.

"Uhh..."

...

I examined my stepsister to see that to all appearances she hadn't an idea what it was to say initially, and eventually appeared to calm down with realization that she was being irrational, and, with that, self-condemnation for her purposeless outburst.

...

"...On second thought, forget everything I just said."

We stared at her as though she was crazy.

"It's not your fault anyway, is it. Sorry, I was just overreacting and I shouldn't so please just let it go."

More silence, in addition to a resilient tension that refused to leave. I could see Isabella shaking her head out of the corner of my eye.

I forced myself to turn my attention to the spreading light, which had now swallowed the entire shelf and all of its contents and was now claiming the walls.

...

I cleared my throat. "Um, pardon. About the shelf..."

The tension finally ceased, only to be replaced by a strong fear as everyone realized the presence of the mysterious light, now having claimed more than half of the building.

It absorbed the doors.

"Well, now we definitely can't get out," someone said. I don't remember whom it was, but it didn't matter for the point was made clear nonetheless.

The strange and ominous light had now engulfed most of the room in addition to the various pieces and we had strewn about it.

We began to back away from the light and toward the special card deck for deciding game modes, although the unclaimed corner would likely have been a better choice, grabbing hold of the person nearest us and refusing to let go.

"Whatever the heck is going on here I _really_ don't want to know," Candace admitted. Frankly I had felt the same way.

We continued to back away until all of our backs made contact. The ominous light had now swallowed the entirety of the room. While we were relieved about not being assimilated, it took little time for us to recognize that we were trapped.

"Well, that's not a good sign," Phineas stated.

"Was that not obvious?" snarked Baljeet.

...

"So...now what?" Isabella asked after a brief silence.

"I don't know."

"Why you asking me?"

"How is this even physically possible?"

"Yeah, we know it ain't possible. Ya don't have to point it out."

I whistled to get everyone's attention, then pointed to the cube which remained in clear visibility and had stopped glowing, as well as, perhaps more importantly, the baseball, which remained intact.

Phineas, upon realizing this, withdrew the baseball back to its launcher which he was still carrying.

Then the cards behind us began to float. They flew in circles around us, orange vines sprouting at their edges.

Again, Phineas reacted, releasing the ball again and attacking the cards by flying it repeatedly into them.

It did nothing.

"You know, I'm having trouble putting a positive spin on this...I guess that's life, huh? One minute, you're having the best day ever, next thing you know some unknown force you have absolutely _**NO**_explanation for are either abducting you or planning to tear you into oblivion," Phineas admitted, before it became obvious he really _wasn't_ having much trouble looking on the bright side.

I could have sworn he had said a statement much like that some other time previous.

"Woah. Deja vu-ish," I remarked.

He eventually gave up attacking and withdrew the ball as the vines rimming the cards grew rapidly outward toward each other. Some instead drilled into the ground. They seemed to be forming a cage, in fact. With us inside.

Without any idea of what to do, we simply stared at it, dumbfounded, still clinging to each other. We didn't make a sound, out of only fear.

I remember we were dragged suddenly into the lit cards. Candace in one, Isabella in another, Buford and Baljeet in a third, and myself and Phineas in one more.

He held onto me for dear life.

We were flying through a portal. But it was much more terrifying than it may have sounded out of context. We didn't have control over it, brought in against our will and unable to stop. At the end was what looked like a void of black.

And we would fly directly into it.

"Ferb?"

I looked at Phineas, who had finally spoken again.

"Do you think the others are alright?"

I didn't answer him for a moment, reflecting on the question as I examined the portal. Around us were what looked like photo papers stained in red, playing back events that never happened. A door opening as Buford backs away from a piano. Myself fighting with some sort of blade. Isabella having a meltdown.

I finally answered after a while. "I don't know."

Then we entered the void. I felt myself crash into something as I blacked out.


	5. Ferb: This is Truly Not a Normal Day

_**www .youtube watch? v=WAtSfNh9B0c&list= FLnKgyG2qb9WvZQHYJc8v5Hg&index= 2&feature=plpp_video  
For those of you who want to protect sites with user-generated content (like this one, of course), you may wanna **__look.**  
**_

_****__Recap: Phineas & Ferb and their friends start working on an attraction for the ERCOHAFFF and use their own Menger Cube as a decoration. Then as abduction to a certain Otherverse starts, Candace starts thinking like a maniac and the group has some trouble calming down.  
_

_**Excuse the late post, I was working on a cover for this (it's not finished) at first but after that I just got lazy, that and I started school *shot* Then a bunch of stuff came up on DeviantArt involving HetaOni (which reminds me, we're working on an anime adaptation and we need some help, just search HetaOni-Anime in the searchbar for the group menu) while I felt like giving the Hetalia fandom a new 9/11 fic. See, here it is msamiclassified. deviantart art/ HetaOni- Cover- 329230855 Then I started watching **_**_Puella Magi Madoka Magica. It's a really good anime but I'm warning you, lots of WTF moments. LOTS OF 'EM. BE WARNED BEFORE VIEWING._**

**_Which reminds me, I think I'm starting to obsess over Wreck-it Ralph, what do I make of it?  
_**

**_(All of the different parts of this Author's Note were written a fair amount of time apart, so keep that in mind.)  
_**

_**Well, looks like I'll have to give a cookie and some cutonium to NattyMC for the spoiler point. (You spoil it to anyone and you're dead meat. Tralfaz.)**__**  
**_

_**But barring that, I started a forum for this fanfic. I don't know why, I just did. Just don't ask, ok?**_

_**GOSH DANGIT STILL LACKING REVIEWS. MY LAST ONESHOT HAD MORE REVIEWS THAN THIS AND IT WAS SO MUCH CRAPPIER THAN THIS. SERIOUSLY, THAT THING WAS ONE CHAPTER (obviously) THAT WAS MAYBE, WHAT, A THIRD THE AVERAGE LENGTH OF A CHAPTER IN THIS AND IN NO WAY FLOWED WELL AND I THINK PERRY WAS OOC AT PARTS. (He was the narrator.) Seriously, looking back, I wanna hit myself every 5 seconds.**_

_**Now, anyway, I'd like to point out that as a troper, I've read virtually every non-crossover WMG on TV Tropes's WMG page for this show, and even wrote a few of my own. I'll say it now: I will most certainly use a few of them over the course of this fic, starting this chapter. I will also use one for Ferb's biological mom and Phineas and Candace's biological dad and then some. Now keep in mind that I will not use any Jossed ones, nor will I use crossover WMGs since all it would do is give us a headache trying to figure out what the stuff from the other series is.  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own P&F. Also yes, I **_**have**** _seen the trope page for "I Do Not Own" and I am fully aware that if someone ever sued me for writing this fic (not that I see why anyone would) these disclaimers_**_** would not help my legal situation. But in my defense, this is NOT meant to take profit away from the actual guys working on P&F. No, this fic is here purely because I want to write about stuff that would most certainly never occur in the actual series.  
**_

_**Warning: Expect minor suggestive content and maybe some cursing.  
**_

_**Btw, I edited all the earlier chapters slightly. I replaced the opening drabble. Each line still means the same thing, it just sounds less ridiculous now. Also changed out parts of Perry's narration in Chaps 1 and 2 and edited out a scene in 3. It's been replaced with pointless but still foreshadowing-rich dialogue. But I'll be back when you finish reading, k?  
**_

* * *

I woke when I felt something nuzzle into my chest.

Opening my eyes, I found Phineas still clinging to me, now passed out himself but beginning to stir. It seemed he had either put the baseball shooter away into Hammerspace or dropped it and it hadn't been taken with us, since when I sat up, careful not to wake him, I didn't see it anywhere.

I set Phineas down gently (and admittedly, it probably would have seemed awkward out of context), stood, and examined this place we had been strangely taken to without an explanation.

Truly, it is quite unlikely.

(Actually, many things that I have witnessed are quite unlikely, though the fact that I have witnessed them verifies that they have happened nonetheless. That is the Anthropic Principle, but it bears no importance as of now.)

It appeared we had been left in a street lined with various...shapes, many of which should not be physically able to stand unsupported by another structure. It did not concern me, though, as I assumed they were standing due to alterations in the laws of physics in this other universe. And besides, many of the things Phineas and I built were physics-defying under normal circumstances. But barring that, the more realistic of these seemed much like buildings, and were complete with doors and windows. All of the shapes, regardless, looked to be architecture, with varying degrees of deterioration.

The sky was overridden with clouds, all covering the blue dome like a curtain. Although, curtains usually hang downward, not float in the air miles above our heads.

All of these had a tan-sort of tint, between apricot and brown but not really either.

_Interesting..._

I returned my attention to Phineas, whose eyes fluttered and then jolted straight open. He literally jumped up, yelling vastly incoherent gibberish that I would never understand in my lifetime, before shouting directly at me and shaking me by the shoulders.

"FERB, I JUST HAD THE MOST TERRIFYING DREAM AND YOU WERE THERE AND PERRY WAS THERE TOO BUT HE HAD A HAT AND A READABLE EXPRESSION AND WAS STANDING BIPEDALLY AND where the heck are we?" He turned his attention from me to observe our surroundings.

"...Oh yeah, I forgot. That cube Dad gave us apparently had some curse or something on it and now we're stuck in another universe. Huh...let's call it the Otherverse. Yeah, I know it's not that original but it's fitting since it's another universe. Or at least another dimension but I'd think an alternate dimension would contain lookalikes of everyone that grew up under different circumstances." He looked upwards in thought. "Hmm...I wonder what those circumstances would be. Better? Worse? Just average? Add that to our list of projects, Ferb. 'Portal to Another Dimension'...Why does that give me such a weird sense of deja vu? What, did we do that already or something? Hey, maybe that's what we did last year on Perry's adoption day, though why we would I don't really know. Then again, we don't even remember _half_ the stuff that happened that day so you never know. But really, what's that about?"

I simply shrugged in response, pulled out our list of future projects, and added 'Portal to Another Dimension (completed?)' onto it.

"Well, I guess we'll have to go looking for everyone else. I don't see anyone else here. Oh and by the way, I put away the baseball launcher while that weird light thing was...well, I don't really need to explain, you were there. But I've got it, see?" He pulled out the baseball launcher, unharmed, complete with baseball as he said this. "Who knows? It might come in handy. So, where to first?"

Looking around us, I could see that some of the more realistic buildings had doors on them, and it seemed likely they indeed worked. Again, we were in a street that stretched out in opposite directions. In one of these, I could see that the shapes changed color from tan to a dull, grayish green.

I decided maybe searching the buildings for useful items might be the best option for now. I walked to one of the doors and opened it easily.

"So we're searching the buildings, then? Okay, if you say so." He followed me inside. Immediately upon entering my eyes found a staircase leading downwards. It led to what seemed to be a storage building. It was filled with many supposed stand-ins for boxes, as well as the occasional real box. Most of them contained food that was mysteriously fresh considering it had just been left there, presumably untouched for God knows how long.

Despite evidently being underground, the storage was quite well-lit. Apart from Phineas's occasional commentary and, in rare cases, my own, along with the almost inaudible _pitter-patter_ of our feet, it was completely silent, a sort of eerie silence that unnerved a person familiar with the noises of the suburbs but nonetheless, they didn't want to break, for fear that some unknown monstrosity might appear from nowhere and slay those present.

Irrational a thought such might normally have been, I couldn't help but have misgivings of such a situation. My fears were not calmed when I listened intently though needlessly to these sounds and realized that somewhere not very far off was a third pair of footsteps.

I reasoned with myself that they could just as well be one of the others, not that it quelled my apprehension much. I tapped Phineas on the shoulder, and then cupped my hand by my ear as he inquired what was it.

I needed to determine whom or _what_ the footsteps belonged to. The lightness of the sound informed me that the creator of the sound could not have been very heavy, not that this ruled out the possibility of it being something unidentified or even hostile.

"I think it's coming from over there," Phineas whispered, pointing down a hallway to a right turn. We began tiptoeing noiselessly against the wall, so as to not attract attention to ourselves should the very thing making the noise be hostile.

As we turned the corner at the wall's edge, the sound stopped, and, feeling secure, we stepped back into the center of the walkway, finding the turn led to a dead end. The hall emptied out into a room that contained nothing, and I question what for.

"Well, there's nothing here. I guess we're going the other way, then. Hey Ferb, what do you think happened to the..."

The footsteps returned, now behind us.

My mind started racing through the possibilities. I had met a lot of unfamiliar people and a considerable amount of creatures over time, and while most are friendly, conventional wisdom clarified that obviously this would not always be the case. After all, there were certainly space criminals and the like, for example, Mitch (who apparently is Meap's father-in-law. It sure explains why his mother-in-law was wandering the ship that time). Maybe they _were_ friendly, and I was just being paranoid, or they weren't, or there was _no _unfamiliar creature behind us and it was simply one of the others being inexplicably macabre.

I held my breath, looked behind me...

...And indeed, there was no unfamiliar creature now in my line of sight, only Candace. (She was covered in false boxes and a bag, the straps of which somehow managed to perfectly suspend two poles (one of which looked rather weak but had a pointed end), and her hair was a mess, but by all other appearances, she was perfectly fine.) My mind relaxed knowing we were not in any immediate danger.

"Oh there you guys are!"

"Candace!" Phineas ran to our sister and was about to tackle-hug her before she interrupted.

"Woah, woah, not so loud, Phineas. I swear I saw this...this creepy gigantic...monster thing a few minutes ago and by the look on its face I think it might be hostile." She caught Phineas before he could knock her to the ground.

"How'd ya know?"

"It looked really fu...reaking angry, how else?"

"I know about cursing, Candace, and yeah, I think I get it. What did it look like?"

...

Candace shook while wearing a terrified expression.

"That bad? Well I think that's all we need to know then."

"Great, 'cause I can't describe the thing to save my life. I froze up when I first saw it and thank God it didn't see me, I'm convinced it would have killed me on the spot."

"Well, what happened?" Phineas began walking again and we followed.

"Well, I woke up in this yellow sort-of place with all these weird buildings or whatever and..."

"Really? So did we, granted it was a different color."

"That's nice," she said flatly. "So anyway, I woke up, took a quick look around me, walked into a building, it led downstairs, I followed the stairs, then absentmindedly bumped into this whole stack of boxes and fake boxes and a bunch of stuff came crashing on me, I ended up under a pile of whatever and I was digging myself out and I saw this...thing come in...I still can't describe it and even if I could it might just be better to let the audience imagine it themselves..."

"You just broke the fourth wall."

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I heard that break, if big enough, is capable of allowing random people to make trips between our world and the world where our world is a work of fiction and I don't really want to worry about 100,000 rabid fangirls swarming the Tri-State Area."

"Well, I'd imagine you two would just make exploring the world where our world is a work of fiction another project so haha. But anyway, the thing came in and started looking around the room and my brain was telling me to run in contrast to my fear which was keeping me there. Thankfully that thing wasn't too observant so I was fine. But yeah, it walked out without noticing me and now that I think about it, I think if I ran I would have just made _more_ noise which was probably what attracted it anyway so staying put was probably the better option either way."

"Wow. That's a crazy story."

"Isn't everything I see one?"

Phineas looked up in thought for a minute.

"...Yeah, I guess that's true...um...So, now what?"

* * *

"And that's how we all got back together."

"Huh. Interesting." Isabella nodded while wearing a slightly baffled expression. We had found her in a green building near a blue-colored area quite a while later. Actually, it was quite late out, such that the sky was growing dark at that point. We had begun exploring the green and blue areas as Phineas explained our side of the story.

"Well I was just looking for you guys after I woke up. Nothing special," she admitted.

"Oh. Well that's alright. I'm sure you'll do something important at some point 'cause in this kind of situation, no one is dead weight."

"I see...Wait, hold on, I think I _did_ find something. I was looking through a building and I found this thing." She pulled out a blue grappling hook gun with a golden hook and lining from who-knows-where (though I call it Hammerspace). "It was under a table near one of the legs. I tested it out and it actually seems to work well, almost professional-grade. It says down here, near the bottom, '_Property of Agent P. If found, please mail to 1618 Acronym Drive.' _It also says, _'Also don't __try to find out what we do there,'_ but someone put a piece of tape on it so I don't think whoever this Agent P guy or whoever wants us to question what it's doing here for."

"Well, it _is_ a classic case of schmuck bait," I interjected.

"Yeah. Well, if we can return it, let's do that but for now we'll hold on to it." Candace put the grappling hook gun away in Hammerspace.

We managed to locate two boxes of scones, not that the first set was edible. It wasn't poisoned or anything, no, it was more like an unknown cook decided to make some and...didn't...do so well, and thus we left it there and took the other box. At some point Candace got hungry and started eating one, though.

There had been keys literally everywhere throughout one room, of various colors. Upon taking some outside, we learned that they opened doors of the same color in close enough proximity (and had to get used to them flying out of our hands as well as the bag), and then investigated the buildings they gave us access to. Most of our attempts at conversation would die out, and hence we would have extensive chats followed by long silences. Usually, it would be Phineas who would be the first to natter, possibly out of refusal to read the atmosphere. Which he can, but often times he is so ignorant of it that I want to slam my head against a table. For instance, look no further than Paris.

It took longer than it felt, since we did not realize how late it was. Deciding we would need to take shelter for the night, we investigated one last building in a blue-colored area that appeared to be a house. A very large house, such that we chose to split up for investigation purposes. We had Phineas go with Isabella and Candace with me.

The silence was strangely eerie compared to the other places we had searched, and thus Candace chose to start conversation about...

"So...uh, Ferb...well, this is awkward...I've been meaning to ask you...what happened to your mom? I mean not mom as in _Mom_ mom, I mean your biological mom, the one that gave birth to you...uh, where'd she go?" Candace asked while shuffling through a collection of boxes.

Huh. My biological mother...

"She went off on a leave for an indefinite amount of time. Your biological father?"

"Yeah, him too."

...

"Anyway, about her...well, what was she like?"

"Well, she was...out of this world, you could say, though by that I mean in a rather...literal...sense...I assume you have heard of those science fiction movies where the starship crew will contact an alien civilization that looks entirely human for the most part?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, she was-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Isabella?"

**(Music: www. youtube watch? v= 7d9lxEfkdfU but just a little note: the picture in the video is very bathos-inducing and may create Narm if you look at it while reading. Also add the dotcom and slash while you're at it.)**

My mind once again began to reel with possibilities. I very well knew by this point that we were in danger in this Otherverse, and it was certainly no challenge to deduce that whatever thing it was that had caused Isabella to scream was very likely an endangerment to her, one of my dearest friends, as well as my beloved brother. I could not bear to lose either of them, no, it would have crushed me in moments.

I had to go after them.

A glance Candace's way told me she shared my thoughts and horror, despite not being as close to Isabella as I was. Even if they did not socialize very frequently, Candace and Isabella had still known each other for seven years, and as for Phineas, while I was fairly aware she was often quite harried by his and my daily projects, I was also equally aware that she did care for us nonetheless and would never want us or any of our friends hurt either. I would have been exasperated if Candace had _not_ grown worried at the thought of her brother and familiar.

We ran through the house, back the way we came sans a number of shortcuts (we had learned the layout of the house already). There was nothing different about the living room, though.

"Hmm...maybe we should have considered where each of us would be and when. Crap, where are they?"

The shouting coming from the hallway to our left seemed to answer Candace's question. I dragged her after me, rushing toward the source of the noise at the very end of the hallway, which emptied into the kitchen.

("Woah, geez, I forget how strong and fast you can be sometimes-Agh, my arm! Dude, could you loosen up? Please?")

What I saw had no less than shocked me.

An appallingly large though thankfully rather slow creature, its blank, black, and yet noticeably sentient eyes visible from my position but turned to what I easily assumed it had selected as prey...

Phineas and Isabella, who were backing away with terror obvious in their expressions. And then Candace panicked.

"What? Is-no, it's-it's not-it-it _is_-is-its-It's the-it's-It's that THING! THE ONE FROM BEFORE! Damnit, NO!"

Predictably the thing turned its attention to us, and I mentally facepalmed. It started moving in Candace's and my direction.

I glanced at Phineas and Isabella, the latter mouthing the word 'run' to me.

I mouthed back to her.

'No.'

Phineas responded. 'Are you crazy!?'

Candace tapped my shoulder. 'Wait, we're staying?'

I nodded.

'...You're right.' She turned to Phineas and Isabella. 'We're not leaving you.'

The four of us turned to each other and nodded, Candace handing me the pointed pole (we had held onto them just in case) and taking the other, setting down our other carry-ons.

"You'll be okay over there, right?"

"Beats me. But hey, we can't just get down, that'll just guarantee we'll lose, right?"

"Hmm...Point taken." Candace nodded. "Still, you can manage yourselves, right?"

"Come on, just trust me on this."

"...Right. Anyway, I have no idea how to use this thing so here goes nothing. Hey, maybe I can swing this around-oof! *rubbing head* Nope, that didn't work..." She began to drift off in rambling about how to use a pole as a weapon, and I realized I would probably have to make the first move.

The thing did not seem to notice my rapid, almost undetectable movements from by Candace to behind itself. In its distraction, I launched myself upward and attempted to concuss it using the pole...

It was evidently feinting.

Instead of my planned attack, I found myself knocked into a wall, dazed for a few seconds before coming to and finding I had also dropped my pole while falling. It was on the opposite side of the room and, of course, was broken. I knew it seemed rather weak.

I stood up again, somewhat dizzily to realize Candace yelling and charging at the thing. I couldn't make out much of what she had said, but at the very least, "NO ONE HURTS MY BROTHERS!" was certainly comprehended.

"Uh, Candace-"

I wish someone had told her that a full-on frontal assault is a very dim idea. She, unlike myself, landed in front of the abomination, and while her staff failed to break, it was out of reach and thus essentially useless unless Candace stood up and grabbed it, which she was much too close to the monster to do without being seriously injured at best.

It came nearer to her, of course, and she backed away on all fours, and in retrospect, it may have been a smarter move if I had acted (at minimum reminding her there were more directions than simply backwards) then rather than watching in shock.

Phineas was holding his baseball shooter (I didn't notice him take it out), seeming to want to use it as a weapon without knowing how to do so. And was about to panic.

"Agh...this thing...what would it-CANDACE!"

He launched it haphazardly, barely missing the creature. It turned back to him momentarily, and I assumed it was pondering whether to attack him or not, before turning back to Candace.

_NO._

It raised its arm in a slashing stance, about to a do a fatal blow before...

_SMACK._

I couldn't see clearly what had knocked it backwards, but I was more concerned with more important matters at the moment.

I sighed from the relief that Candace was alive.

When my relief had finally settled, I discerned what was responsible for the sendback.

_What...?_

**(A/N: Should be obvious who it is but if not...and btw, MUSIC TIME! 8D www. youtube watch? v=7V6P4NcKLfg&list =PL00F52677F1053704& index=45)**

The abomination had engaged in a more even fight with the identity that had saved us four as I had calmed down, and evidently that identity was considerably faster than the thing was (which due to size matters was not surprising). I stood there carefully observing every attack, dodge, and feint.

"_Psst...Ferb!_"

Hm? When had Candace crossed the room? And for that matter, when had _I_ crossed the room? It did not make sense that I was there, not having moved at all on my own accord (at least from what I remembered, apparently).

Isabella was pointing and staring at our evident defender. "Is that..."

"Somehow that's the most _normal_ thing that's happened today," Candace commented.

Phineas was too shocked for words. I pushed his jaw closed as it didn't seem appropriate to allow it to hang open.

_Dodge, dodge, feint, attack, feint-where did-oh, there he is._ I found myself reciting actions in my mind. _Feint, feint, dodge, attack..._We found the grappling hook gun from before being yanked away and shot at the miscreation from in midair. The wire wrapped around its head and a restraining amount of its arms, the gun pulled back much like a fishing pole is upon attracting a rather sizable catch, and the miscreation being slammed into the wall and hitting the ground with a loud _thump_.

The rest of us adopted Phineas's shocked expression (apart from the gaping), allowing for silence to settle among us and...well...

After some amount of minutes that felt more akin to hours, I broke the silence with the most simple, calm statement I could think of.

"...Oh...there you are, Perry..."

"...Hey, Ferb..."

* * *

_**I think it was obvious enough, wasn't it?**_

_**Oh look, this thing is shorter than 5000 words. I blame it on Ferb's quietness. Only that means I'll probably have to extend chapters according to the narrators. Great, now I'm gonna have uber-long parts for Phineas and Doof. Then again, considering their POVs won't come until plot-vital moments in the story, I think I'm justified in regards to length.  
**_

_**Anyway, I recently started another fic in a different fandom due to having writer's block for this one. This will probably have an effect on my writing schedule (which had fallen apart more than two months ago, though, so yeah). Yeah, having writer's block is suffering *shot for using in-joke that most of the readers will not recognize* I think Imma throw some Madoka Magica elements in, they'd fit pretty darn well in here.  
**_

_**But anyway, next chapter the gang has a long little discussion about Perry's secret and our Two Lines, No Waiting becomes a single plotline. How will this go down with Phineas and co.? What will the next course of action be? Sorry, but you'll have to wait.  
**_

_**Kyubey: Or you young females can make a contract with me to become a magical girl in exchange for seeing the next chapter sooner.  
**_

_**Me: WHAT!? KYUBEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GET OUT! *kicks* AND WE'RE NOT CONTRACTING!  
**_

**_Kyubey:_ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼**

**_Back to the point, see you next time on Summer Cries!_  
**

**_Kyubey: Well, if you ever change your mind on contracting with me, just give me a call.  
_**

**_Me: OUT.  
_**


End file.
